Defeats vs Defeated ~ Maya Angelou

"We may encounter many defeats, but we must not be defeated."
Maya Angelou, poet

Parenting - Love Your Kids, Not Spoil Them.

We should love our kids but not spoil them.
It is often challenging for parents to be aware of the point where loving them becomes spoiling them.

I would like to share this quote i read:
"爱是需要学习的, 没有智慧的爱, 是对孩子幼小心灵最大的伤害"

My take on understanding it is this.
"Parental love is a skill that can be learned,
loving without wisdom is detrimental to a child's young mind and soul"

It is easy to spoil the kids, the challenge is to love them the right way.

Sometimes, when kids cry and whine for something, the easy way out will be to give them the thing that they are crying for. However, in the long run, the easy way out will inevitably cause more distress for both parent and child.

Parenting - Love Nurtures Character

From a Chinese quote
"孩子缺爱, 脾气就坏; 久而久之, 肯定变态"
loosely translate,
"When children lack love, their temperament turn for the worst;
over time, abnormalities may develop in their characters"

Decisions on Doing the Right Thing ~ Wayne Sales

"Making a decision usually means taking one of two roads. One is doing the right thing. To take the other road, you have to sit back and spin a story around the decision or action you are taking. If you find yourself thinking up an elaborate justification for what you are doing, you are not doing the right thing."
Wayne Sales

Expectations ~ Bernard Haldane

"If you want to get the best out of a person you must look for the best that is in him."
Bernard Haldane

Character ~ Cavett Robert

"Character is the ability to carry out a good resolution long after the excitement of the moment has passed."
Cavett Robert

Parenting & What My Boy Taught Me - Tenacity

Have you ever seen a "mis-behaving" toddler struggling in the poor parent's arm? Have you ever seen a toddler whining on the floor of the shopping mall? Have you ever thought to yourself that this is never going to happen for my kid?

Well, it used to be 3 Yeses from me for the questions. However, not today. We were having dinner at a shopping mall with a friend. After dinner, to let my wife chat with our friend in peace, i decided to bring my kid out of the restaurant as he was starting to get restless.

He used to be okay with me holding his hand while he toddle along, but somehow, today is different. He is struggling, pulling, tugging and squirming every step of the way. I got so fed-up that i scoop him up once we are out of the restaurant. Immediately, he started to whine and scream and squirm his way out of my grip...

So i tried to put him on the floor to let him walk himself. But now, he decided to lie down on the floor in protest! Imaging my frustration... All these time, i have to consciously remind myself to remain calm (as i believe kids are sensitive to our feelings and emotion, so i feel that calming myself down should help to calm him down too). What has all these to do with tenacity? Read on to find out.

After few seconds lying on the ground, he flip around and started to crawl! I tried to guide him to stand up and walk... he simply refuses... I have to carry him and walk away as he continue to wiggle and squirm, trying to break free from me. Then i saw a Barney Kiddy ride... My life saver... I put him on the floor and directed his attention to the kiddy ride... it was then that he was more than willing to comply.

While he was at the Barney kiddy ride, he was really happy, letting out scream of delights. After about 5 minutes of play, he willing stepped out of the Barney ride, then quickly got into a helicopter kiddy ride just beside. The same thing happened for the helicopter kiddy ride. After about 3 minutes, i told him we will have to go, get him to say bye bye to helicopter and give the machine a flying kiss... He complied with me and gladly climb into my arms...

I was thinking, he is actually a very well behaved boy... Why gave me such a tough "fight" just now?

The answer came to me on our way back home, while i was telling my wife about what happened. Apparently, he was already playing with the kiddy ride before i met up with them at the mall. So while he was struggling with me, he is just trying to "show" me where he wanted to go. His actions reflects tenacity at its purest. Babies know no failure, they only know what they want. If they do not get it, they will try, try, try and try again.

How many of us have already learned to stop trying? The picture of elephant training always come to my mind when i think about learned helplessness. The baby elephants are tied to a big tree using metallic chain, try as they might, they are unable to break free. They keep trying and trying.. until one fine day, they gave up... Once they gave up, they will not attempt to break free even if you are just tying them to a short peg in the ground... That is the power of conditioning, in a negative way.

Now, i am glad that my boy gave me a tough fight, cause i know that he is a go getter. For all who have the good fortune to be a parent, lets not let our babies go down the path of learned helplessness. Be conscious of their needs and fulfill them without spoiling our kids.

And to all of us reading this.. Lets re-learn to be tenacious, it is what we are born with...